Personal blog with random posts from multiple things - anime/manga, games, literature, SNSD, TV dramas and what-have-you. Also included: misc. text posts and food and cute animals and sciencey/mathsy stuff. Really just a huge mix.
This person with the questionably-sized shins is based somewhere (tiny) in Asia and aged 20-ish and apparently an engineer-type thing. New bonus fact: She is also a (cis)female and hella queer. Drop a message if that sounds up your alley.
So as a bit of a fore-warning I’d identify myself as an asexual with no particular aversion to sex itself but no inherent attraction to any person despite loving my SO very much and thinking she is adorable.
I post this for the sake of others that might be dealing with similar things as being romantic but not necessarily sexual. But also not extremely sex-averse/sex-phobic.
So things I have learned:
- Let your partner know how you appreciate them, precisely how much you take comfort and are refreshed or viscerally pleased by just being near them. Let them know what makes you happy. This is really important because without it they don’t necessarily KNOW how much they help you because your relationship can’t fall back on something like sex to tell them you appreciate them.
- Perform little tactile cues and gestures that are not immediately obvious/urge driven for you but that help communicate how important your partner is to you in their own gesture/tactile cue language. (kissing was a difficult one for me to figure out and learn to use because personally it does nothing for me but it’s nice how it lights up her face when she gets a random peck on the lips). I get a lot out of making my partner happy, and if doing a cute silly thing that is neutral for me makes them happy I’ll do it just to watch them be cute.
- Reassure that what your partner does is okay when it is okay. I had the benefit of having a partner who knew of asexuality perhaps a bit more then even I did to start and so was VERY sensitive about ‘hurting’ me with her own sexuality, a lot of things she thought was hurtful for me as a person that really guilt-ed her up when I came out to myself and her. I really appreciated the sentiment but the self flagellation over perceived injury to me had to go so I needed to let her know I was okay about it and not hurt. The opposite of this is also vital but has not come up in my relationship, always let your partner know if it is hurtful so they know, some times they honestly won’t know especially if you are not wired up the same as them.
- Making sure everyone is aware of the comfort levels and needs of one another. For me this is a kind of ongoing exploration, but keeping the consent constantly updated on all of these things is really vital because the situation is complicated for us and no one has quite complete cues on what is ‘okay’ that they can fall back or assume about. Understanding the needs of my partner on a visceral level has also been an experience, ironically I found it really good to use the bacon metaphor because my own hunger response is actually pretty intense so It really helped me relate and appreciate what she goes through and means when she says “your really teasing me right now, It’s like being surrounded by all the bacon” this in turn has made communication and understanding with one another easier “Just because I’m surrounded by bacon does not mean I want to or need to eat it all the time” which helps over all.
- Be open, even when it’s terrifying try and share and understand one another’s experiences. (this probably goes for all relationships but I felt it needed saying anyway)
I hope this helps some one go out and thrive however they want to.
what’s the point of being a fan if you’re not a critical one? what’s the point of absorbing media without the intention of analyzing it? i don’t understand why some people wholeheartedly defend their faves’ flaws and shortcomings, when pointing out and not supporting your faves’ problematic aspects DOES NOT MAKE YOU ANY LESS OF A FAN BUT MAKES YOU AN ENGAGED AND AWARE CONSUMER